Shit, idk.

Last time I remember this bit of my past. I swear.

You’re damn right you will….

Let’s be real, diet. We both knew this wasn’t going to work out from the beginning. Just sad to see ya go like this. Wish it could’ve been different…

They tried it once.
They did not get paid on Tuesday.

Suck it, coach!
No… Wait… Forget I said that…
Fuck all, this bit devolved into weird quickly….

No, you ignorant fucking American.

Bad parking job or customer service complaint taken to the next level?

“Escalate this, bitch!” 

I’m just saying that maybe, just maybe that could have been how this shit went down. You don’t know.

Twitter 101

Will seriously give my money to the first guy whose marketing campaign doesn’t remind me that I’m dealing with a person who spends a good portion of their day in & around poo, though…

First in line, motherfucker…..

TV shows. Award winning actors. Is there anything these guys can’t foster brilliance out of…

And don’t even question whether or not there was brilliance in Parker Lewis Can’t Lose. You shut your whore mouth!

I really, really do like it when people have fun with their jobs….

I presume this means they’ve perfected the Make-Up Gun, then…?

*Apologies for the double post. Making and posting things from an iPhone is hard. And mistake-laden. And I already only kind of know what I’m doing.

That’s right, kitty. You keep that insolent human on the floor where he deserves to be….

Seriously. That thing will shatter your screen if you drop it. Shatter.